cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
