the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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