I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Randomize
