you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
