What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
