I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
