I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
