no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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