My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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