the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
where am i from again
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
