I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
