I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
