i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
