Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
