i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
