U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Let's paint friendship bongs
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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