so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
