I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
did i just pee glitter
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
