my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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