i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
