Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
