im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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