literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How does one acquire holy water?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
