I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
