Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
