well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
