I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
