Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
