she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
