So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
