Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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