My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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