Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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