How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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