How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
