I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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