it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
