ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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