wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She bit a glass in half.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He better not be in your backpack
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
