Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
why is half of my head shaved?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
