You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
