he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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