Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He has the fingertips of a God
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
