I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
