Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
