I want you more than these girls want KFC
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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