this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
