She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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