I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
