I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
